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Sunday, May 11, 2008 {7:15 AM}

I love psychology. Seriously,i love this subject to bits. And i totally aced my psych. 1st term assestment exam! Haha~i got 27/30 for paper one and 17/20 for paper two =D fuck man..so damn happie i could screaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam! And this is really good considering the fact that i was one month late in enrolling to the school so obviously i missed a month of my study and yet i was one of the few top scorers =D Haha yes yes yes im being very egoistic now...but im gonna bask in my vistory for as long as i please so bear with me =P I passed my business studies exam too thou its a 'just passed' mark..uhm..14/25..sigh~but still satisfactory since i had expected to fail =P b.studies is much more in depth than commerce...kinda tough. Im worried abt my EAS though..i didnt get to finish my paper on time. The time limit was too short(45 friggin mins),how the hell do they expect me to write a two pages long commentary in tat period of time?? sigh =/ For the very first time in my life,i find English class challenging,not hard or difficult,but challenging and im enjoying it =D uhm,now my only worry is sociology. I think i hate sociology almost as much as i hate maths HAHAH and that is sooo not good. Oh well,i chose the damn subject so i have to go through with it *sigh*

Well...life in school is pretty much the same like school life in my previous school but minus the friends. I do have study buddies whom i meet only in class,but during lunch and break i still hang out at the library. Im such a nerd man. But apparently being a nerd is good because im doing well in my studies and thats all i really need =) Hmm...i do really like Win,Harris,Qyla,Waheedah,Angelina,Tiyah,Rachel,Shiddiqah,Nabillah,Hasnah,Izzati,Hazwan & his 3 otha gal buddies he hangs out with tat i cant remember their names =P,Shai & Hazirah.These people were super friendly to me..some of them were quiet with me at first but slowly in time they started greeting n talking to me =) Haha..now that i think of it,its kinda rude of me for being so quiet but hell,i felt nervous and abit shy to speak =X so naturally being the new student in school/class i wanted people to approach me first and to be the one to make the first move becoz i cudnt T.T sadddd man lol =P

Well..hmm wat else to say? Haha my malay has improved a hell lot. I can almost speak fluently in malay. I do stop midway while talking in malay to think how to translate a certain english word to malay or sometimes i just speak malay and mix it with english =P The only time i ever get to speak english totally is with my EAS study buddies and other study buddies who were in EAS classes too. Kinda tough but oh well,speaking malay's not tat bad =) And my tudong-wearing skill is improving. It makes my face looks even rounder man...but still i think i look cute in it XD HAHAHA so vainnnn. Uhm...i bought a new pair of black shool shoes in april and already they're damaged. I think i'd hafta get new school shoes soon T.T haha PTEB is BIGG..lotsa walking here n there to do..plus walking up 3 flights of stairs for my psych. classes tats in the third floor T.T and yeah,i always walk fast coz hafta rush to class. My poor poor shoes..i think i wanna get those ballet type of shoes..they're more pleasing to the eye and compfy to wear =D

I recently noticed that i am a shopaholic. Seriously. I know in the past i claimed tat i was a shopholic but naw it wasnt really true. I could control and budget my spending but nowadays i cant. Watever i see that i want i just buy it straight away if i had the money. Tats kinda bad..*sigh* who says this isnt a materialistic world man =/ And i even have a list of looooooads of stuff that i wanna buy but cudnt afford at tat time..everytime after i come home from shoppin that shopping list of mine seems to get longer n longer n longer T.T Well i guess becoz in the past i kept budgeting and restraining myself frm buying things tat i want..and then when i went for NS,i got allowances and shoppin outing on sundays without my parents,especially my mum,to control my spending urges =P Oh well...at least i dont go overboard and but over-expensive and unnecessary stuff. I shop for clothes mostly,or pretty stationery to use for school. I also found out that i have a fetish for handbags or basically just any bag tat i like,clothes and shoes. Im currently hunting for a bag thats big enough to use for school yet stylish enough to also use it when i go shopping. I did find bags like this but always they're NOT PINK. I have a strictly pink ONLY policy when buying stuff =P Kinda extreme but i LOVE pink tat much. And i have yet to get myself a pair of boots...u knw those leather high-heel type of boots..hmm,ankle length boots preferably. I'd prolly save some brunei $$ and then go miri and buy them XD Other than that im also hunting for Paulo Coelho's 'By the river piedra i sat and wept'...ive read his "The alchemist" and "witch of portobello' and im truly in love with his style of writing. I cant explain it..its someting you'd have to read for ureself to understand the uniqueness of his way of writing,n his stories.His words are so deep. I have Yen Hsing to thank coz she lent her 'the alchemist' book to Grace who in turn let me read it =D From there i fell in love with Paulo Coelho's books ^_^ I still love Dianna Wynne Jones,thou her books are gettin harder and harder to find =( I feel guilty thou..coz i still have 5 of Dianna Wynne Jones' books tat i borrowed frm SGS school library tat i havent returned till now! >.< I just cant bring myself to return 'em. Why? 1. Becoz im scared id get scolded. 2. OMG..wat if they FINE me? 3.I'd never get to see those books ever again coz i cant find them in bookshops! ARGH..im gonna need to go for confession for this >.< shit shit shit. wat should i do man? T.T I've visited tat shopaholic blog i think (cant remember the name of the blog),the one tat Manzyanne goes to and buys stuff from and wow...the urge to just buy EVERYTHING tat i like there is killing me XD Pssst manzy,how to order and pay for the stuff? xP

Now moving on to...uhm..yeah rite now i want to take the time to talk abt JAMM-Jessica+Abigail+Marianne+Michelle. Girls,if you're reading this,this is a tribute to you =) i've known michelle and abu all my life,from the very first moment i started school in SGS...i was close with michelle during my primary days but eventually we drifted apart,and in my secondary years i got closer n closer to abu and im glad i did =) manzy came in when i was in primary 4,and sometimes she would share her problems with jasmine to me and eventually over the years we got closer and closer. there were times when we considered each other best friends,real best friends, world best friends xP hahah,then eventually we got into arguments and 'dont friend' each other but in the end we got bak together again ^_^ hahah~those were silly,childish days.then during form 3,when i totally wasted away half of my life,all three of them supported me..if not,i might have transferred to St.andrews becoz i cudnt take the shit anymore =( then eventually after all that mess,we formed JAM...and soon after when we were in form5,or cud say nearing the end of form4,we re-formed JAM into JAMM =) im sorry mich if u felt left out all the while...we passed this book of ours,the JAMM book (of which i have the very first ORIGINAL one XD nyahahahahahaha),where we would write all our problems,and i mean ALL,and then i would get comfort,support and advice in there =) and even now we're continuing the legacy of the JAMM book xP,this time in BLOG form! haha high-tech already xP girls,you have been my shoulder to lean my heavy,thick,burdened bubble head when i needed you. im sorry when i was acting selfish,when i kept hiding in my shell,when i refused to talk abt my problems and kept it all in till i bursted it out which shocked and upset everyone,when i let you girls down countless times,when i missed out on important events that wud mean so much to all of us..and im sorry for not being the best of friends at times. im sorry for all the times when i seemed to be breakin off frm u gals,disconnecting myself.. i can be really selfish,self-centred and VERY sensitive at times..and im sorry. And another thing is sometimes i think too negatively at times...im sorry. But i want to thank you for forgiving me so many times,for being patient with me when i was being bitchy...for sticking with me all the way even now =) Manzy...thanks for everything =) from being my best buddy since primary days till now to being more than a friend for me when i really needed someone to cry and be baby-ish to. You try to understand my pain and share it,to lessen the burden i have =) and you love pink even thou u deny it =D heheh i knw u miss me pointin out pink stuff n goin 'piiiiiiiink' in a squeaky voice xP i know tat now we still have this gap between us...but together we can build a bridge to cross tat gap =) Abu,you share so much in common with me..sometimes lookin at you is like a mirrored reflection of myself...we've gone thru the same pain and you understand me so well..its easy to talk to you abt anything,from talking abt school stuff to sex xD remember,u being open is a good thing,all those people who cant accept how unique n open u are and shy away frm u are S-T-U-P-I-D. and yeah,i miss you squashing my boobs HAHAH xD michelle..since u are still in brunei i wont write anything bout u....
HAHA kidding la =P remember we used to play at the bak of sgs during our primary days? =) hehe you were so hyper bak then...and wait~even now you are hyper! hahah! you're so full of life and energy,liky Zy..aby is super bubbly xD you're super hardworking,and always ready to comfort anyone..always patient with me and everyone else..when theres a fight or problem,you'd always listen to both sides of the story before judging anyone or picking sides =) and oiiii~school holidays coming soooooon! lets go out =D
Theres so much more i could say...but i guess you gals already know how much i love you yea =) you gals are buddies tat i can be so comfy with..so at ease with..i can be myself around you gals =)
Abu,Manzyanne,Michies...im sorry for all the shit i caused tat may have scar-ed you...and im thankful for friends like you..i may not be able to express how i really feel at times,or give the wrong impressions..but you gals really mean alot to me and you're important to me. You're friends i know tat will be remembered forever and be close with no matter how far we are physically...=) love you gals..manzy,cant wait for u to come bak in october and abu..i wish i cud go phils to see you T.T..and shop my life away xD

To Grace =)...i got to know you while in NS..and hell we just clicked rite away. Hahah~at times i feel like you're my twin..it was fun to do everything together with you..sleeping,eating,stargazing,ranting abt them boys =P,bathing together in sarong xD,eatin ice-cream together..and playing badminton together in the dewan..oh God i miss ure *unique* badminton playing skills man XD do u remember during the water activity,where we had to use those icky orange lifesavers and go into the water..i was scared shit to the point i felt like crying and seriously didnt want to go..but then this activity was a once in a lifetime thing..so you kept persuading me gently,urging me to try it and tat u'd be there for me,tat we'd go thru it together =) so when we went into the water,you let me hold your hand,and you kept askin me if i was okay and everything..putting ureself before me..hell,you didnt know how to swim as well but u cared for me first..thank you =) and im thankful too for all the times u *protected* me from butterflies and many of the worlds ugliest moths tat cud be found in the bathroom xP instead of getting irritated and annoyed of my phobia of these fluttery things,u understood and always made sure none of these icky things got close to me =) im sorry if i ever hurt you..if i had said anything tat hurt you i hope i can take it all away. thou in those three short months i got to know you,i feel like ive known u forever. hell im so close and comfy with u i cud just make-out with yong in the same friggin room with you xD even after ns we could still get along,we can even send each other SMSes tats like 10pages long or MORE xD and we're uber closer than ever =D even thou now we're far apart...we'd still be ok,ok? =) and u better get ure butt bak this june! btw yen hsing coming bak in june too rite? =D yong n duny are coming over as well =) i have my holidays frm the 15th to the 1st of july i think =D love you grace =)

and lastly,i want to buy this pink original hello kitty handbag at $15.90 frm hua ho manggis mall,what a damn good bargain man so how can i resist? =P,and i want to go to seri q-lap mall and see how much it costs to get my handphones and laptop e-skinned! so damn cool XD oh not to forget i saw this darling lil pink blouse at sin kew hin tat i must get since its only $15.90!!! ARGHHHHH..

Okie now that im done blogging the good stuff..here comes the bad n the ugly. I had an argument last night with yong which now leaves me puzzled and unsettled. I dont even know if we're still together or not. It went like this..he msg-ed me and obviously i was gila-ly happy since i havnt heard frm him in ages..so it went like this:-
yong=i miss u jess bla bla bla lovey dovey stuff
me=i miss u too bla bla lovey dovey stuff. Btw i just finished all my exams..so stressed.
Yong=really? u knw the results already?
me=i took 4 exams..two of which i know i passed,the other two not sure yet thou i think im gonna fail one.
yong=why? if u fail im gonna be mad at you
WTF man? anyway
me=coz it was really hard for me (hellooooo?i missed a month of school coz i enrolled late..obviously things are gonna be tougher for me!) and the time limit was too short so i cudnt finish on time..
yong=not enough time? how can there be not enough time? surely you didnt study la,thats why.
UGH
me=eeeee i did study la.. >.<
and then there was no reply..i got even more pissed and stressed out..so i msg-ed him the lyrics frm The Kill by 30seconds to mars...and said tat i wanna lose contact with him for the time being..cudnt take the stress..and im upset by the fact tat instead of understandin what im gonna thru,hes MAD pula tat i fail,mad when i myself already stressed and having tension becoz i tink im gonna fail a subject..UGHHHHH. Only after i msg-ed all that then he replied me "why do u say im angry at you? i understand u la...i just want to advice you..and also to make sure you dont fail becoz ure always thinkin of me..i understand how u feel.ok i wont contact u anymore for now. love u"
Oh God..i feel more stressed. Not angry? HAHAHAHA FUNNEEEEEE. ADVICE ME? even FUNNIER la...this ticked me off even more and i got even more upset i msg-ed him asking for a break up..saying tat its the best for both of us bla bla blaaaaa then he replied "why do u say all this? do u want to make me even more stressed kah? do u knw tat id be evn more stressed if u break up with me? i wont be able to focus anymore..if u want to break up with me u kill me first la. i dont want to 'derita' like this anymore..u kill me la. bye"
AGGGGGGH..it was no use and a waste of precious credit to msg him after this coz he wasnt replying anymore. SGSMRFGMSGAEWOKGVEWA. cibai man..im sooo soo soo pissed i ended up gettin a fever after all this heated msgs..i knw how u feel Zy,bak when all those times u got so pissed and u had a fever =( ..sigh. Plus before we msg each other,tat day happened to be a horrible day for me. Firstly,i took my sociology exam tat day..tat exam of which i cudnt answer any fucking question at all. then,my dad msg and told me he'd pick me up late, at SIX when i finish school at 2. yay. i was the only left in school. then when i come home im bombarded with housework..cleanin out garbage bags filled with baby diapers and tissues filled with snot..whotf wont feel shitty after all tat? Geez..if i end up with a head filled with white hair i wudnt be fucking surprised.
sigh.

--SheepsRulez(x*`