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Thursday, June 05, 2008 {7:28 AM}

Sigh...just when i was soo lookin forward for the holidays to come...6 lil words from the mouth of someone i hold dear to me killed my joy.

"mungkin i tak akan pegi brunei"

the highlights of my holiday were his visit here just to see me..and tat..is gone. i cant deny feeling pissed off and extremely upset. but again,the case of having to be UNDERSTANDING arises once again..his job requires him to go bak KK as soon as possible. He's doing construction work,and his boss got this government building project and the contract states that the work must be done before or by the end of this year,so they're rushing to finish the job. sigh~if not the boss would have to pay bak the government for not finishing the job on time as stated in the contract..i hate this construction policies!!
but still..it really really really hurts sooo much that even rite now typing this is makin me cry =( but i really need to get it out.

..he promised..he promised no matter what he would come. he promised.."aku janji akn dtng untuk celebrate bday u pun.." he promised..he did..its not tat i want him to be here just becoz of my bday..i just want him here..by my side,with me. he promised.

im losing my mind here. its gonna be months,maybe even till the end of this whole year before i can see him again ='( i cant live like this anymore. it hurts too fucking much..i might go nuts and start inflicting cuts on myself again...i know its stupid,i know it seems like attention seeking..but it does release extreme stress and fucking extreme emotional pain from me...

i waited months,since december to be precise, for the day he wud come to brunei again..i waited so long..ive been lookin soooo effin forward to this day...painfully hopin the days would go by faster so that the day for him to come would finally be here..and now,look how shattered i am. all my longings,my hopes,my eternal wait..all crushed and smashed into my heart.

i dont want these feelings..i dont want to feel this way =( i dont want to be like this. fuck fuck fuck it.

NEVER FUCKING MAKE PROMISES YOURE NOT SURE WHETHER U CAN FUCKING KEEP IT OR FUCKING NOT.

okie..now tat ive gotten tat out..phew,an ounce of stress,depression and shattered hopes are off my chest..for now =(
oh weeeeeeeell...sigh..onto lighter ,heartwarming things..

ive been TAGGED! by burt aka cher cherz xP hahah

10 Years Ago,I...
1. was 8 years old! =D
2. always wore a ponytail wherever i went
3. was very,very plump
4. had no interest in my looks or watsoever
5. had the curliest,most tangled n messy looking hair ever

5 Years Ago,I...
1. experienced a hell lot of puppy crushes
2. started being a weeeeeee bit more social
3. still did not bother much abt my studies,cept for english
4. found out my love for Dianna Wynne Jones' books
5. was very very close friends with Elaine(wong yee lius),Michelle Ong & Michelle David,Edna,Hajah Azierah and Sung Hui Yee.

3 Years Ago,I...
1. spent my last year (form 5) in SGS
2. experienced my very first,and perhaps last, prom night organised by manzy,abu n michelle =)
3. was still single and hated guys becoz i got cheated on
4. grew more in love with the colour PINK to the point im obsessed with it
5. got my hair permanently straightened(rebonding treatment) for the very first time ever! =D

A Year Ago, I...
1. i met Grace Leong aka monkey loving gal =P
2. i went to experience one of the most precious,life changing moments of my life, NS
3. watched one of my best buddies leave for Phils at the airport..i miss u abu
4. spent the whole year doing NOTHING at all while waiting for NS to start xD
5. met the greatest,yet most painful love of my life...Yong Ngau

So Far This Year, I...
1. want to own a black coloured,lacy bra =3 someone sponsor me? xD HAHAH
2. started my Form 6, A levels, FINALLY
3. was able to keep in touch with Manzyanne and Abu more =)
4. started having pimples on my FACE *horror music playing*
5. have revived my blog and blogged more often

Yesterday, I...
1. fell asleep in the school library
2. got to wait at the pick-up point together with Harries after school
3. had to wear my old,tight shitty school shoes to school becoz the one im currently using totally fell apart T.T
4. managed to finish my shitty sociology essay on INTERPRETIVISM THEORIES. feh.
5. cried my life away becoz i found out *he* couldnt keep his promise

Today, I...
1. waited two hours for my dad to pick me up from school
2. used my broken up school shoes to school even though it was in a shitty condition xP
3. played with henna/pacar tat my friend brought to school for me to play with ^_^
4. had fun with Mr.Brian during my EAS class
5. managed to finaaaaaaly call michelle and we talked for up to 2 hours =D

Tomorrow, I...
1. will be attending the parents teachers meeting,which for once im lookin forward to becoz i strongly believe i did fucking well in school xD
2. want to take a long,long nap in the afternoon
3. need to clean my bathroom and room
4. shall pester my dad to buy me a new pair of school shoes
5. wanna relieve stress by having a karaoke session at home XD

haha..am done =) love you ppl loads <3333 will end with a song today =)

Peterpan feat. Chrisye - Menunggumu

Didalam sebuah cinta,
terdapat bahasa,
yg mengalun indah,
mengisi jiwa,
merindukan kisah,
kita berdua,
yang tak pernah bisa,
akan terlupa,
Bila rindu ini,
masih milikmu,
kuhadirkan sebuah,
tanya untukmu,
harus brapa lama,
aku menunggumu,
aku menunggumu.

Didalam masa indah,
saat bersamamu,
yang tak pernah bisa,
akan terlupa,
kenangan masa yang,
menghancurkan jiwa,
dengan segenap cinta,
aku bertanya,
Bila rindu ini,
masih milikmu,
kuhadirkan sebuah,
tanya untukmu,
harus brapa lama,
aku menunggumu,
aku menunggumu.

Dalam hatiku menunggu,
dalam hatiku menunggu..aku..
dalam lelah ku menunggu..
dalam hatiku menunggu..aku..
MASIH MENUNGGU

Bila rindu ini,
masih milikmu,
kuhadirkan sebuah,
harus brapa lama,
harus brapa lama,
aku menunggumu,
aku menunggumu..
AKU MENUNGGU....

--SheepsRulez(x*`